1.Honking Immediately After The Light Turns Green.
This is a ridiculously stupid thing to do. Honestly, if you are one of these guys, do head over to Penang Bridge and leap down into the raging waters. Maybe then, you’d have contributed to society and one less ‘Mangkuk’ to deal with on the road. Really, it takes about two seconds to put a car into gear at a traffic light. If a person is stalling at the front of the traffic light and isn’t moving for 3-4 seconds, then yes; it’s perfectly normal to beep your honk once to let the driver know the traffic light has turned green. Maybe the driver was on his or her phone. BUT if you honk the horn the moment the traffic light turns green; please refer to the first 4 lines of this paragraph. It’s like walking into ‘mamak’, ordering a ‘Roti Canai’ and when the cashier is writing down the order, you ask him why hasn’t the food arrived?
2.Fast Lane Hoggers
It’s called ‘fast lane’ for a reason. That’s right, it’s for drivers who are driving FAST! Whoa! Mind= blown!These inconsiderate lembu drivers really makes a person tick by slowing the whole fast lane down and wasting precious petrol from trying to overtake their slow Grandma style driving. And people wonder why there is a rise in road rage in Malaysia these days.
3. Fast Lane Hoggers (Version 2)
The version 2 Lane Hogger is similar as a conventional Fast Lane Hogger but with a hint of ‘Mangkuk Jamban’ to their driving style. These Fast Lane Hoggers will drive as slow as a funeral car leading a funeral procession on the fast lane but speed up as you try to overtake. Legend says that these ‘Mangkuks’ originate from the dumbest part of hell and only appear on the fast lane.
4. Irresponsible Double Parkers
It is perfectly understandable to double park if you can’t find any parking or are in a rush. In places like Subang Jaya SS15, double parking is a common thing. However, it is courtesy, if not, compulsory to leave your contact details on your windshield or dashboard incase the car you are blocking needs to get out. Either that or keep an eye on your car in case the owner of the car you are blocking gets back to his or her car and needs to back out. People who do not leave their contact or even keep an eye on their car are irresponsible, inconsiderate, should surrender their license to JPJ, move to Thailand, shave their head, become monks, and never drive again. Some of these individuals even have the nerve to walk out nonchalantly after the owner of the car they are blocking has been honking for ages.
5. Emergency Lane Smartass
Unless you drive an ambulance or a police car or even have an emergency, you are NOT entitled to use the emergency lane. And no, being late for your lecture and being late for your date doesn’t qualify.
Dear drivers who use the emergency lane to skip the queue in the jam.
You’re not smart.
You’re just a jackass.
6. Driver Who Highlights You From Far Behind Even Though There Are Cars In Front Of You
These buggers are either blind, dumb, or both. If there are a lot of cars in front, what is the point if i get out of your way? Will it make a big difference? We’d move out of your way either way but there are cars beside us so CHILL. We saw your stupidly bright high-beams from a mile away. Just give us a few seconds to move.
7. Illegal U-Turn Takers
These ‘cempedak’ drivers, endanger not only themselves but other motorists by taking illegal u-turns. All for the sake of saving 5 minutes of waiting in traffic.
8. Emergency Lane Daredevil
Often we see really fast cars using the emergency lane to overtake other cars, zooming through the emergency lane at excess speeds of 180km/h+. When the fast lane is packed, they fly on the emergency lane.
9. Busy Body Accident On-Lookers
Basically busy bodies on four wheels, who want to either see the accident scene or to get the car’s number plate to buy a lottery ticket in hopes to hit it big. They often end up blocking and slowing down traffic.
10. Parking Failures
As if it isn’t hard enough to find parking in Malaysia these days with the rise in number of vehicles in Malaysia. Drivers park inconsiderately; with one wheel or one end of their car protruding out of the parking box, rendering other parking spots beside them, unusable. Instead of occupying one spot, they’ll just take two. How did they even pass the parking segment of their driving test? JPJ standards must have stooped real low for the quality of drivers we have these days. Thanks Liow Tiong Lai. ( Mr Transport Minister ).
11. Yellow Box Campers
People who squeeze their car to the other end of yellow boxes because they didn’t want to wait for the next traffic light should pretty much be sentenced to a 10 year long ‘Undang’ lecture. Stopping on a yellow box when your lane is clearly not moving can prove to be a huge nuisance since it clogs up the road for other vehicles to get to the opposite lane.
It’s a common thing that even though you are driving at the upmost maximum of the legal speed limit, your are bound to be overtaken by other cars. This is not because the speed limit is too limited or the fact that you’re driving too slow. It’s simply due to the fact that nobody in Malaysia gives a bloody sh*t about the speed limit. Faster cars drive real close behind you, so you know you’re there, it actually becomes creepy. “Hey man you’re driving slower than me and you’re in my way. I’ll just come real close to your car at an uncomfortably close distance so you’ll know I’m here for you always.”
If your car is a beautiful piece of Italian engineering like a Ferrari or a Lamborghini, we’d completely understand if you’d want to show off your car by revving it up. We honestly don’t mind. It’s not every day we can hear the beautiful exhaust note of a Ferrari so why the hell not. However, if your car is a Myvi, has a cheap aftermarket exhaust system, along with shiny 17 inch rims, keep that exhaust note to yourself. It’d still be acceptable if your mediocre car was tuned for performance (turbos, etc) but if you have a Kancil with an aftermarket exhaust, revving it around, do yourself a favor and knock yourself in the head as hard as you can and question your life choices.
14. Super Low Cars
Cars that are so low they are literally scraping the ground. They take forever to go past bumps and you often find yourself laughing at their pitiful attempt at going over bumps but still end up scraping their cars. I mean come on, why would you lower your car when you live in a country where the government builds speed bumps for a hobby?!
15. The Vulgar Driver
Every now and then, you see a driver who winds down the window and casually flips off another driver who might have almost collided with their car. This breed of drivers are said to be the best at multitasking. Scientists have even seen Vulgar Drivers who can speed up to the car that almost collided with them, steer at the same time as they smoke, flip off the person in the said car, hurl vulgarities at the said driver, while keeping an eye on the road. Talented, really.
16. The Loud Music Driver
In parts of KL or Subang, you are bound to come across this very unique breed of drivers who like to ‘turn shit up’ while driving. They install loud amps, subwoofers and play songs louder than your local club. They do so because they want to flare and show off their awful music tastes to the world and warn them that befriending them will result them in listening to shitty music in their car. These are loners who want to be alone so set up a self defence system to fend away the possibility of a social life.
17. The Road Owner’s Grandchild
If you’ve never run into somebody who drives like it’s their grandfather’s road, you are probably one of them. These drivers drive slowly, recklessly, endanger others and have completely no idea how to drive like a normal human being, acting like the road belongs to their grandfather. Generally, these drivers are individuals who should stay a safe distance of 10 metres from a car.
18. The Ambulance’s Best Friend
Typically, you’ll see one or two ambulances in a traffic jam. Being the responsible drivers we are, we make way for the ambulance to go through. However, there’s always bound to be one or two smart asses who immediately turn on their hazard lights and follow behind the ambulance as if their relative is in the ambulance; just to skip the jam. It’s as if they were waiting in traffic, saw an ambulance coming, peered out of the window with their obviously long necks and saw that it was their relative in the ambulance and decided to follow the ambulance to the hospital to see the wellbeing of their relative. Either that or they decided to adopt whoever is in that ambulance. “F*ck it, i’m adopting whoever’s in that ambulance so i can skip the jam”.